Hold the Phone...Do What Now?

     Most of us know the story. God gives Abraham his long-awaited son, Isaac, only to later ask for the boy to be sacrificed. Huh? This idea has always left me with some questions, but this time around I saw it in a different perspective. 

     I imagined myself being Abraham. This was a time before the written commandments and God was still making Himself a name with His people. We Christians now perhaps have a much better understanding of who God is compared to how Abraham or Noah did. Abraham didn’t know at the time that God in fact doesn’t allow child sacrifices (something people having been doing for a long time to their gods), all he knew was that God in that moment required it of him.

     It made me think about the times where I feel God ask me to do things that I might not consider are in His character. For example, studying civil engineering would have never, repeat, never been in my plans. I was actually considering going to a Bible College. I thought, doesn’t God want me to study the Bible and learn Greek and Hebrew and Aramaic? Why would He ask me to study math and science? These are the two iconic topics for proving “God doesn’t exist” in our modern world….and I’m supposed to study them? It seemed backward and didn’t make sense. So how does this relate to Abraham?

     He didn’t know the full story and neither do I. I can only listen to the little tugs and beckoning of the Holy Ghost. The Bible says, ”thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path”(Psalm 119:105). This can be a challenge considering we humans often want every single detail so we know exactly where we’re going. 

The Break Down on Breaking it Down

    Something interesting happened last summer when I was training for a race. The pure fun of just throwing on some sneakers and having a good time was replaced by stress about split paces, seconds, form, hydration and calories (and resistance training, new loops, hill training, speed training, cross training....shall I keep going?) It didn't take long for me to not be as excited to go running and with even more time I was really not looking forward to it. What happened? When I broke running down into small variables that can be changed for “better performance” , I ruined the joy I once had. I really did. It's something like that paradox about not being able to see the forest through the trees. When I really focused on running, every step became mechanical and awkward. 

     I have done this same thing with my perspective on talking to God, something that is also so natural. Something we were born to do? (Read Born to Run! (It's a runner's book and a great read)) When reading through Genesis 1 it is so amazing to me that God let Adam name the animals. Adam got to, no, God wanted to let Adam do this? What an honour…But it pleased God! I can imagine every animal coming before Adam to be named, perhaps Adam laughed when he saw an anteater, I do every time! (Maybe he was also running out of names!)

     Adam enjoyed God’s presence, Enoch walked with God, Abraham is called by God…the friend of God! But these aren’t the “ultra-marathon runners” of humanity. They are simple people. Like you. Like me. They answered when they heard God call…and they also made mistakes. I really enjoy that the Bible doesn’t glorify these people, if it did, I couldn’t relate to the weakness we as humans share.

     So what I want to say is this, “talking to God” is stressful if people break it down scientifically to dozens of little parts. There are even books about it. It is not stressful when it just happens, naturally. 

And when you do….be ready for some surprising responses!

I also want to congratulate my good friend for running her first (and surely not last) half marathon today. I am so happy that my close friend is now also a new running buddy. Great job!

Apples and Oranges

If I don’t watch carefully, I often catch myself thinking some things like, “if I was smart like him/dressed like her/sang like that/ran that fast/traveled that much/cooked that well…”.

        I do believe we should examine ourselves (Lamentations 3:40, 1 Corinthians 11:28, 1 Corinthians 13:5, Galatians 6:4), I do not believe that we should compare ourselves to other people. Here is why.

        If I did poorly on a test there are two scenarios according to this thinking, I could say “I’m not as smart as them, they did better than me” and wish I studied more or I could say “well, at least I got a better grade then these people” and be content with how much I did. But both are wrong because both can change with the weather. Neither of them make me evaluate if I did my own personal best. I believe we are to examine ourselves with ourselves and only in reference to God’s standards. Colossians 3:23 says “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men;”

       It was actually quite liberating when I came upon that verse. The pressure to compete was lifted and I knew I only had to do my best for the Lord. This however, might also be big shoes to fill and plus, how do we know once we’ve done all that we can? But it is possible. Here is the a second quick story. The first time I studied not “hoping to be better than some and as good as others” I spent a lot more time going over notes. It was a math class with a tall reputation. I was shaking in my boots! I took Calculus 1 twice and got the same grade. (More on that later).

     But that semester was different; I approached my classes with the new mentality and never worked so hard before! I was never so satisfied with my grades before either. I ended the class with a B (I was a decimal point away from a B- (every point counts!)). Of course I’m proud of “the grade” but the fact that I  knew I did everything I could was the assurance I had no regrets and could sleep that night and move ahead with more difficult courses.

      I want that same satisfaction for my walk with God. "But without faith it is impossible to please him: for he that cometh to God must believe that he is, and that he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him" (Hebrews 11:6).

      I've defined "diligence" always to what I've seen others do, that is why I have been so unsatisfied, liberation began when I honestly (without excuse) could say in both my academic and spiritual life...this is not my best and to ask God to help me make changes.
      My diligent might look different than your diligent, but we should both be able to answer with a smile and assurance that we were diligent. 

What? Know ye not...

Over Christmas break I had the privilege to go to Pompeii with my very good friend from Naples, Italy. The site was enormous and the ruins hinted at once extravagant buildings. If one thing was clear, if one thing was to be taken away from that experience, it was this, these people cared about their gods.

Even more important were the temples, around which their lives revolved. I’m talking meticulous detail people. There is no price tag on how much such a temple could cost.

This struck me in a very powerful way. Temples have always been important to civilizations throughout time. With Jesus perhaps came the eradication of these buildings being so significant. We can see in the gospels the outrage when He said the Temple would be destroyed. Definitely to the Jews at the time His words were indeed blasphemous.

But Jesus continues, we see in the rest of the verse in John 2:19, “Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up”.

Maybe his disciples expected Him to be speaking of a new building, a new temple. Maybe that’s why they were disappointed when Jesus was crucified. If we go to the letters of Paul we discover something actually quite revolutionary.

Through His disciple Paul we are informed of a new dwelling place for His spirit, our bodies!

What? know ye not that your body is the temple of the Holy Ghost which is in you, which ye have of God, and ye are not your own? For ye are bought with a price: therefore glorify God in your body, and in your spirit, which are God's. (KJV)

Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is within you, whom you have [received as a gift] from God, and that you are not your own [property]? 20 You were bought with a price [you were actually purchased with the precious blood of Jesus and made His own]. So then, honor and glorify God with your body. (AMP)

If I really believe that my body is not my own to do with it what I will, I would treat it quite differently. I struggled with sweets for a very long time and could always “justify” having them. The mind is amazing at justifying every whim. But with this knowledge that my body is the temple of the Holy Ghost, I must make changes. More on that later.

She Hath Done What She Could

My posts actually take a lot of time to polish before I publish them. This one is different. What I have to share is a very raw feeling and I would be doing a disservice by dressing it up in flowery words and eloquence, we already have enough of that.

I’ve been running away, hiding, afraid that God would see me, giving excuses and merely getting by…quite the opposite from what God wants…to come, reveal yourself, don’t be afraid, don’t make excuses and to have abundant life.

I have been feeling frustrated for quite some time and found soothing words only more agitating. (Told you I was going to be honest). But why? What was my issue?

Maybe it started a year ago during an evening service at my home church. Someone had asked about how to hear God and to receive instruction, my Pastor replied with a story, “if you’re not sure which way to go and you have two good roads ahead of you, take one and just start going…faith is always coupled with action and God will guide you if you didn’t take the right one…but it is better to be going in one direction than to sit idle”. This response reminded me of Newton’s First Law of Motion somehow, an object at rest stays at rest and an object in motion stays in motion with the same speed and in the same direction unless acted upon by an unbalanced/outside force.

Fast forward to a couple of weeks ago where I read the Parable of the Sower (Matthew 13). It was a bittersweet moment when I realized I’m not doing anything with many talents God has given me. I had a feeling that my poems would actualize into songs and those songs into an album called My Abundance. I have many inklings that my life, if fully given to God, would be spectacular.

…Yet I’ve been responding like Moses (and Jeremiah and Jonah for that matter)….

“And Moses said unto the LORD, O my Lord, I am not eloquent, neither heretofore, nor since thou hast spoken unto thy servant: but I am slow of speech, and of a slow tongue. And the LORD said unto him, Who hath made man's mouth? or who maketh the dumb, or deaf, or the seeing, or the blind? have not I the LORD? Now therefore go, and I will be with thy mouth, and teach thee what thou shalt say. And he said, O my Lord, send, I pray thee, by the hand of him whom thou wilt send (Exodus 4:11-13)” (by the hand of him whom thou wilt send is translated in many other versions as “send someone else!”).

I was believing that God wanted someone “fit for the job” (haahh He did choose to make me an engineer I should be catching the drift by now…), someone who didn’t have weaknesses like mine. As I was resolving to stop making excuses and telling God what I think I’m not capable of doing my eyes fell onto a verse that never caught my attention before…”she hath done all that she could”(Mark 14). Whoa, hold the phone..who is this she and what did she do? These are the words of Jesus and very powerful ones too. I have only started studying this chapter but know enough already to say that I want to have that feeling…that I am doing everything within my capability to love Him. I’ve watched people in sports commit large amounts of money, time and endure pain…with a smile on their face, for the sake of the game. I’ve been feeling frustrated because I know I haven’t been giving my best, my all. I’ve also been feeling guilty because I was afraid that I might not produce enough, even if I do try my best. Fear of failure is a real feeling, but it is also a real lie. The Parable of the Sower wasn’t really about how much money each got, rather that each showed initiative and acted. In the same way, I really believe God cares more about the process and maturing of our character more than the product itself. I’ve been saying for too long if/when/or/else/but…I want Jesus also to say about me “she hath done what she could”.