Once And For All

Hello Friends && Family - 

This month has been very, very intense.

It started with the recommendation to read Hind's Feet on High Places, written by Hannah Hurnard. In short, the story is about laying down every single desire, the ones even natural to man. Of course, I could explain the verses and the context precisely and what has happened to me personally. But, I really don't have the time right now! Plus, I'm giving the guidelines, the bare bones so that you can see the process. As I can imagine it is similar for each believer. 

Jesus is speaking, "And he said to them all, If any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily, and follow me."

Deny himself!! A part of every human shrinks back even just reading that. But I am willing, because Jesus said it is necessary and also because He will help. So if I deny myself, what then am I operating from, if not from my natural intellect? Check out Romans.

"That the righteousness of the law might be fulfilled in us, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit. For they that are after the flesh do mind the things of the flesh; but they that are after the Spirit the things of the Spirit. For to be carnally minded is death; but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. Because the carnal mind is enmity against God: for it is not subject to the law of God, neither indeed can be. So then they that are in the flesh cannot please God." Romans 8:4-8

The series of Dr. Gerald Jeffer's sermons over this last summer have given me a lot of foundation on this topic too. It has been very blatantly reoccurring. So much that I can't deny it! I am going through this process. Here is a link where Dr. Gerald Jeffers illuminates an amazing point... https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q9AN1tawHg0

"God created us with needs. These needs, we need every day..food...water...sleep.

Then, I came across a song by Lauren Daigle, Once and For All. I find it so beautiful. It has the same beauty I experienced when reading Hind's Feet...My spirit was indeed willing, but my flesh was weak (Matthew 26:41). Here are the lyrics, the melody is also very nice.

O Help me to lay it down

Oh, Lord I'll lay it down 

O let this be where I die

My Lord with thee crucified

Be lifted high as my kingdom fall

Once and for all, once and for all

There is victory in my saviors loss

and In the crimson flowing from the cross

Pour over me, pour over me

O let this be where I die

My Lord with thee crucified

Be lifted high as my kingdom fall

Once and for all, once and for all

O Lord I lay it down

O Lord I lay it down

Help me to lay it down

O Lord I lay it down

O let this be where I die

My Lord with thee crucified

Be lifted high as my kingdom fall

Once and for all

Once and for all

O Once and for all

And what would this blog be without one of my own sappy poems/thoughts? Here goes. The first one I wrote during class. 

flesh, flesh, flesh!

the destruction, the pain, unnecessary!

you bring me to destruction,

and always resist the Spirit,

die, be crucified, submit!

then, like an eagle taking flight,

liberated, I take my place, forever,

fly away, come away, take away,

where carnal mind is absent,

where I follow Your Spirit only.

Birthday Girl

Sunday was my birthday! I wanted to do a half marathon (actually a full marathon), but I’ve chosen to listen to the signals of what my body is saying. This had lead me to be for the most part vegan and to run up to fifteen miles for fun. Being able to run 13 miles just happened over the course of the last couple years. I started running one mile, then walking the other mile back. Just by doing this over and over (and over and over) again, I was eventually to go a little bit further and further (and further and further).

Even though I haven’t trained over the last month, I knew I could do the 13 mile run if I wished. However, I had to be true to myself and say “you have barely run the last month…do the 7 mile run”, so I did.

The running club from my university was there and I made some (very small) small talk. They asked if I wanted to do the warm up with them, I politely declined. Which turned out to be a great decision because they ended up doing sprints. Hahahah that is not how I wanted to make my first impression with twenty new people I would be seeing for the next year. Plus, I concluded I only had a set amount of Running Energy and I needed all of it to do the 7 miles.

So while they sprinted, I did some weird looking Tai Chi moves. Which was fine, because the guy next to me was doing some horrifying looking “stretches” , one where he was violently flopping his torso from side to side. Big thanks to Danny Dreyer and his workshop for showing me a different approach to running and fitness.

As the time approached 10:30 everyone started crowding the line. I hung out in the back next to the floppy guy. Unlike my first half marathon in Hartford, everyone counted down 10..9..8..7..6…5..4…3…2…1..Los! (Go!) rather than the gun shot. The countdown was very cute (and inexpensive I guess) because when was the last time you counted down (kindergarten)??

For the first 50 minutes I was the last person. I knew this, because the volunteer bicyclist who kept track were hot on my heels haha. Perhaps, I would have run even slower if they weren’t. My goal, for now, is not speed. I’ve been taught and have experienced speed is a byproduct of good form and relaxation.

With only two miles left I felt a huge release of some kind. I can only illustrate it like this. When you have coffee or sugar, you get energy. This energy doesn’t last the whole day, just a set period of time. Then there is energy you feel from really deep inside of you and it is constant and unwavering.  I ‘m not talking about some philosophical idea of “energy”, but literally energy (Unit:Joules).

Nevertheless, running fast just happened. And fast I ran. The last miles were up hills (my strength) and on those hills I was passing other runners left and right. Sometimes I would pass several at once, others I would see in the distance and slowly close the gap as I beebopped along. They gave a look of surprise as I sped past them singing When the Saints Go Marching In hahah.

I know I wrote a lot, so here is a picture of a turtle in my lake for a quick break.

I said I didn’t care about what time it took (and I didn’t) and I didn’t plan on passing people or getting competitive. However with 1000 meters left there was a lady in a purple sweatshirt very, very far away from me that I just had to pass. I really did. And I did. There was no huge finale or anyone to pat you on the back as you hopped over the finish line sensor (which recorded your time). Just the cool fact that you ran through the woods on a brisk Sunday morning.

As I was leaving to head home, from the list I saw that in the last 15 minutes I passed 41 people. Those might have been the fastest miles I’ve ever done (my lowest is 6:30).

While I was zipping along, a spiritual parallel become increasingly evident. It is no mistake that Paul compares the Christian life, not only as a walk but as a race.

I will explain in details later. I thought I could finish this (already lengthy post) after I got home from my first day of classes…but I think I’m too tired. When I got home I almost washed my hands with toothpaste.

Several Disappointments of Growing Up

Living by myself has brought many things to my attention. 

First and foremost, when you live alone, the dishes don’t just end up clean in the cupboard like they used to at home. The water bottles also don’t fill themselves and put themselves into the fridge. And worst of all, no matter how long I waited, the coffee didn’t magically appear hot and ready when I woke up. 

But there are other mysteries. This one is the most life-changing...

When I put chocolate in the cupboard, it is still there in the morning!

I have had to let go of many childhood beautiful and mysterious things, but these luxuries I might miss the most, of course except for the chocolate surviving the night.

How to Get a Bike in Freiburg

I am not a huge fan of sarcasm...however, I was tempted to title this post "50 Easy Steps to Get a Bicycle"..hahah, this was an adventure that tested my patience (on an empty stomach!). Here goes! Just in case you give up hope, during reading these steps...I'll put the best part first. A picture of my bike :) I nerdily called Midnight.

1. Find directions to the place where the bicycle market is on google maps
2. Figure out if the bank across from my apartment Spardabank will let me take out money from their ATM as a non-spardabank customer.
3. Find a promising website, with an inconclusive answer
4. Decide to not risk getting slammed with a fee, go to your own bank Genevieve
5. Take S-Bahn into the city
6. Stand next to a guy with an orange and white cat on his shoulder (this makes me smile...to which the other local bus riders scowl at me questioningly and get shifty)
7. Get off at my station (almost get hit by a bicyclist) in the inner city
8. Take out money. How much? (There was a bike on ebay for $35, but I’m not sure if it needs brakes, has a working light (a german law all bikes must have) and if everything works....) Are you going to sell it again? Do you need anything else from the market? Maybe an eskimo suit because it is already so cold?

9. Take out phone and refresh google maps for step by step directions

10. „Google maps isn’t functioning at this time“
11. Go into a building that looks like the center, which turned out to be an opera house, get directions to the bicycle market.
12. Start walking towards a new bus stop....this wasn’t the address on the poster I saw for the bicycle market (the same one a friend also told me about)
13. Google „Bicycle Market Freiburg 10/17“ THERE ARE EIGHT.
14. Take a moment to recenter my focus, but not too long, because the bus is coming that you need! Get in? Wait for the next one? Will there be a next one?
15. Get in the bus and continue the google quest..
16. Ha yes, it was a different bicycle market. Google new directions (but not on google map app that isn’t working!)
17. Have a weird gut feeling that I am driving in the wrong direction, but I am not sure.
18. Yes, genevieve! You are driving in the wrong direction, decide to get out.
19. As we are approaching the bus stop an undercover bus ticket checker guy starts asking for tickets.....my bus stop!!! Can I hop out or will he chase me because he thinks I am trying to escape? I have to get out! It’s raining now and my dream bicycle might be getting sold out from underneath me!
20.  Get out my wallet and take out my student ID and the regional bus ticket (and bask for a moment how I organized my purse and wallet)
21. QUICK PRESS THE BUTTON TO GET OUT, NO ONE ELSE IS GETTING OFF AT THIS STOP AND HE’S STARTING TO DRIVE AWAY
22. By this time google maps on safari is working and gives me walking direction (1.5 miles away...which would not have been far for the rural country girl Genevieve in August ...but now the city diva thinks that is very far!)
23. Try to zoom so I can see where it is ultimately taking me, it looks like it wants me to turn around.....but navigate like a car and go down a street to the left then another left? Can’t I just literally turn 180 degrees?
24. Get a text that my 500MB data is almost empty
25. Just do what stupid google maps on safari is telling you to, no time to mess around! (Despise the fact that I'm at the mercy of following a blue line...as a blue dot!)
26. Go 50 M straight, 300 M left, then 50 M straight........GOOGLE MAPS MADE ME DO A HUGE U-TURN LIKE A CAR. Come out exactly at the bus stop where I just was...okay.
27. Slowly realize that I was indeed on the right bus. Rain. ( Directions from here aren’t bad, straight, left, over secluded bridge, raining..(my purse is getting on rained on! L ) )
28. Last directions, I can see the Hall! Google maps is telling me right...I don’t trust this...the main entrance looks to the left, I go right
29. YES! There is the Messe(Hall)!!!!!!! Here I come bicycle.  This is a very weird looking building....a HUGE cement box building with HUGE grey doors with HUGE numbers on each door 2, 3,5. I go into door 2 (winner, winner, winner!) Yes I am there! I made it.
30. See a kid my age sitting near the door with a pen and a notepad, get my wallet out to pay. „This isn’t the entrance, you have to go around“ he says. To which I replay in laughter, „no, I am not. I’m going to walk straight through, you can even come with me, I will pay, but I’m not going outside again“ to which he replays „no you can’t do that“, then I say „that is very silly, the main building was several football stadiums long) I get no response.
31. Go back out the door.

Ok, readers, you should probably take a break here. If these steps are getting boring to you, imagine doing them. Hahah, I started off this journey like this....

....and three hours, miles later, I looked like this...

....yes! Still doing great. One of my lessons is not having my joy be dependent on situation. Okay, maybe I wasn't still on the lamp post because I was quite hungry now, however I was still singing!...okay, back to the bike adventure..

32. Walk all the way down to the end (this takes 15 minutes), I see another huge parking lot and a lot of people! Great! They are walking towards the entrance.
33. Take a turn at the end of building to see a 20 ft tall iron fence separating the front from the back, separating me from my entrance.
34. Walk back to Door 2 (another 15 minutes) and back onto the street. Finally, find the real entrance (30 minutes more of walking), pay the fee, I AM INSIDE.
35. Look around at bicycles....starting at $55 going up to $450. How do you say „can I take it for a test drive“?? The only thing I know how to say is, „can I try it on?“
36. Notice there are many exchange students, notice a purple bike I like, I ask anyways in shame, „Can I try it on?“
37. Get the weird look I was expecting. „Ich brauche dein Ausweis (I need your ID)".
38. Take it out from the precarious position smushed between a dozen of bikes and head outside...the seat is too high. Whatever. It’s purple.
39. Start driving, HELP ME! I’m sure you know the crazy cart at the grocery store, yeah this was it. The wheel was not aligned to go forward rather 45 degrees RIGHT. But I already started pedaling and am moving forward fast
40. Squeeze the breaks (which makes an enormous noise in the quiet bustling of little german families, like a raptor screaming out in pain)
41. Navigate through a dozen of small children and people with french fries on a bike that only drives in circles with deafining brakes. I come to a stop.
42. Give the bike back and for a moment entertain the idea of giving up. Can’t someone just pick one out for me?
43. Call my host family and ask for advice. I am too tired to understand the dialect and remind my lovely host father to speak more slowly.
44. Take another bike for a spin that is 30 years old „but a good bike“, and it is, compared to one that rides in circles with raptor brakes. This one is $75.
45. Check my phone. 2 missed calls from an unknown number. Looks familiar...no desire to call back however.
46. Call back. It’s my host dad! Talking fast.
47. „I have a friend....known for a long time...selling bikes...go....his name..Ande....tatoos...piercings...black hair..quite a handsome man..tell him....me...then call me back, okay?“
48. Too tired to ask him to repeat all of the probably very important information, I respond „yep, got it!“ (You see I have this skill now where I hear the keywords and from the context, situation, and what it could possibly not mean...I connect the dots to get a meaning...)
49. Head back into the Hall and look for a handsome man with tattoos, piercings and black hair.... Old guy with white hair...italian guy that is pale with no piercings....lady....lady.....dude....then I see indeed a very handsome man with jet black hair and sparkling white teeth and I walk up to him only to realize....what was I going to say???? Hi, your name is Andy and I’m going to pick out a bike and have you talk to my host dad from four years ago.....?!?! Retreat, retreat! Translate what you are going to say first!!...Hi, is your name Andy? He says, yes with a half smile / half look of social terror...
50. See the bike of my dreams, 7 speed, black, a cute-but-i-mean-buisness bell, take it for a ride, take it home.... J


Except that really isn’t the end, because riding a bike here is FOR REAL. You are a vehicle. You ride side by side with cars doing 30 mph down hills, through lights...over train tracks..then onto sidewalks ..then onto „only bicycle zones“ then „bicycle and pedestrian zones“ then „only pedestrian zones“, back onto the road but the curb has no dip! And I’m going downhill, doing 30 mph, in the rain...how I got home is a whole other story....

I do however make it to the grocery store to get a much needed avocado, how I’ve missed those...only to see this. Not sure what an Avocado Bacon is, I grab one with a sigh and head home.

Poem & Picture

                                                                                                                                       Photo by Ellen Yang.

You can also click on the picture and zoom in if the text is too small. This lovely photograph was taken by my good friend Ellen Yang as we were exploring the glowing streets of Freiburg after dusk. The poem was inspired during my prayer time.

                                                                                                                                     Painting: Michelangelo - Poem:Me 

What time is early...

to pray in morning dew

before the sun stretches,

to farewell the moon?

Early is relative, simply

the inception of intention