I Don't Follow My Heart, and I Thank God I Don't Have To

Hallo Readers, I hope your last week was fruitful!!

This last week I spent a lot of time with the midyear stay students. One of my most particular favorite trips was a city tour of Hamburg.

Posing with French Fry Guy
on the Hamburg Harbor

Saying goodbye to my cello,
I couldn't find anywhere to take lessons!

Standing in the Hamburg traffic Tunnel
that runs beneath a river

Two particular parables that Jesus spoke in Matthew 13 have been on my mind since last week.

The kingdom of heaven is like unto treasure hid in a field; the which when a man hath found, he hideth, and for joy thereof goeth and selleth all that he hath, and buyeth that field. Again, the kingdom of heaven is like unto a merchant man, seeking goodly pearls: Who, when he had found one pearl of great price, went and sold all that he had, and bought it. (Matthew 13:44-46).

Three things in particular spoke to me.

1.      The merchant sold all that he had

2.      He sold everything with JOY

3.      The merchant man was seeking goodly pearls.

The way the Lord teaches us is precept upon precept, one revelation after another. My relationship is not perfect with Him but I can have faith that His love is made perfect in me.  

Here are four scriptures describing perfecting love.

But whoso keepeth His word, in him verily is the love of God perfected: hereby know we that we are in Him. 1 John 2:4-6

No man hath seen God at any time. If we love one another, God dwelleth in us, and his love is perfected in us. 1 John 4:11-13

Herein is our love made perfect, that we may have boldness in the day of judgment: because as he is, so are we in this world. 1 John 4:16-18

There is no fear in love; but perfect love casteth out fear: because fear hath torment. He that feareth is not made perfect in love. 1 John 4:17-19

The parables I started the article with, and the scriptures above go hand in hand. I learned from the merchant parable where I am lacking, and the scriptures promise that if I keep His word He will perfect His love in me.

View from our hill, now that's love

The merchant sold everything that he had. I didn’t realize that there were some things I was still holding onto, things such as ‘selfishness’. When I realized that I was selfish, I left it to buy Jesus’ ‘selflessness’. I have been put into a lot of situations here, I learn more about myself everyday…and it’s not all good stuff. If I am tired and traveling through the train station, I get seriously annoyed if someone bumps into me. I am not claustrophobic by any means, but I like my space. I thought I had gotten over my ‘bump’ issue, but it happened last week and I was shocked how angry I was. I was legitimately angry.

As I was sitting home on the train ride (after making it through the horrific mob of people), I prayed. Well first I sat in silence, kinda lookin’ at myself in the reflection of the window and saying ‘Genevieve, are you serious? Can you believe how easily you get agitated?’. Then I repented, gave it to God. I have been bumped since then, many times in fact (sometimes I think on purpose!) As said, I am learning a lot about myself and the content of my heart. It’s not all good in there, but I can have faith that if I keep God's Word He will keep perfecting me. I want to be just like His Son. Through every trial, even if it is as small as getting over being pushed in a crowd, I am one way closer to being like Him. Patience. Slow to anger.

The fact that the merchant sold everything with joy is not to be overlooked. We are to gladly give up anything that doesn’t please God. That statement may raise a couple eyebrows or some may think ‘If God really loves me, He should accept me as I am.’

Dersenow View - The Cloud Curtain pushed back for a moment of sunshine

If you have ever been in love, then you should see the hypocrisy in a moment. I have noticed when a man and women are in a legitimate and healthy relationship; they change to please the other. Girlfriends buy perfumes and clothes and the men wear it gladly because they know it pleases the one they love. My Dad turns the radio off when he eats breakfast with my Mom. People do it without thinking twice. Which shows us, when we love someone we change.

In my life particularly, I was a foot tapper when I was a kid. My Dad told me he didn’t like it because it made me look fidgety and stressed, so I stopped tapping my foot. In my mind I quickly balanced giving the habit up or losing a piece of his love, I chose to keep his love. Which is in a very simple sense, how I view my relationship with my heavenly Father. When His Word shows me how I need to ask Him to change me, I put it on the altar immediately so that I would please Him all the more. Oh, and we’re supposed to do it with joy. J



Dersenow Hill View

The last word that caught my attention was that the merchant was seeking. Those who seek after righteousness will find it. Those who ask, to them it will be given. Knock and the door shall be opened. All of those verses I paraphrased are familiar to us. They are easy, simple, and often overlooked (at least for me). I struggle and struggle and struggle, then realize if I would have come to God first for the answer He would have told me. (I'm amazed at God’s grace, that His love stretches over the fact that we make Him second, over and over again).

Last week at our midyear stay camp we played a group game. One person came into the room and sat in a chair eight feet in front of two volunteers. They said ‘it is you, this bottle, and us. You need to get this bottle but you can’t move the chair. You can move but you always have to be touching the chair’. I laid on the ground and stretched out my arms as long as I could. I pushed my finger up to the last centimeter my torso allowed me. I couldn’t get the bottle. I tied my sweater into a lasso and swung. Still too far away. I began to take my shoelaces off when I realized, I could ask for the bottle. I slowly got up, looked to the volunteers (who were grinning) and asked for the bottle. They gave it to me. A light bulb went off over my head.

Hail on the Dersenow horizon

I wonder how many times God has looked down at me struggling for days and weeks. I wouldn’t be surprised if He pulled up a footstool and drank a cup of coffee.  I can’t believe how many times it has taken me to fall on my face without Him, before I realize I could just go to Him first. I wrote in my January blog that learning the language is a process. A lot of things are a process, but those who endure to the end will be saved.

Picture from Bad Honnef, waving at Cat in a tree!

As always, feel free to leave a comment or a question.

God Bless, Genevieve